We always hear people ask question like “How are you?”. Most especially during online meetings these days. Or maybe when we meet friends or people we haven’t met for ages. We rarely hear people ask “Are you okay?” but I guess it’s the same thought with “How are you?” just on a deeper sense.
Anyways, the usual answer is “Yes, I’m good”, “I’m Okay” and the likes.
But are you really okay when you say “I’m Okay”?
Hmmm.. I guess it depends.
Most of the time, saying “I’m Okay” is the easiest way to respond. No further questions. No explanation needed. Nothing. That’s it.
But the reality behind this might be different. Sometimes, every I’m okay means I’m not really okay. I’m really at pain or hurt or worried or sad or scared. But I just don’t have the courage to tell someone. Or maybe no one would like to listen. Why? Coz it’s just another drama.
Smiles can be fake. Sad but true. But look into their eyes. Do they smile too? Or do they say the opposite?
They say “eyes are the windows to the soul”. It is because through the eyes we can deeply see someone’s hidden emotions, thoughts and attitudes.
Sometimes we need to listen and respond to the things that other people dear to us are not saying. Those hidden pain, struggles and emotions.
Some just need someone to talk to but they don’t know where to run to. Some would want to share but they don’t know how to start. Some is dying to open up but it seems no one’s willing to listen.
Being someone to be trusted by your friend or family with stuff as deep and as serious as these is very overwhelming in a good way. It shows how deep and tight your relationship is.
But, there are also other people who are struggling but do not want to share. Even how much you ask them to or offer your help to, they still don’t like it. Instead of insisting, respect their choice. Because even how much you insist and if you’re lucky they’ll start talking, there’s a high chance that they will still keep stuff for themselves or for the people they have a deep and strong relationship with.
You cannot force nor impose someone to respect you unless you show that you respect them too.
So maybe what you can do is to stay, silently. Not saying anything. Not imposing anything. But just being there. So when s/he is ready to open up to you, you’re just there.
And never judge people who say they’re okay when they’re not. It’s because you don’t know what they’ve been through and how they’re struggling. Unless you are in their shoes, unless you see what they’re seeing and unless you feel what’s deep in their heart – you don’t have the right to give any judgment.
The next time you meet your friend, your family, your colleague or even stranger; ask them if “are you okay“. Some is just waiting for someone to ask this to them. Some will say I’m okay. Some will just nod. Some will just be silent.
Whatever their response will be, respect it.
If they will start to say their not okay, ask why and if they can share. These people just need someone to listen to them. They don’t need your advice/opinion unless they specifically say it. Again, they just need an assurance that they are not alone.
If they will say that they’re okay, then tell them good to hear that. Offer your time if ever they want someone to talk to and assure them that they can count on you.
If they will just nod or is being silent, then they don’t want to talk about it. Change your topic. Maybe you can talk about what they are up to these days. Maybe you can share how your day so far. Maybe you can reminisce your happy moments since then. Or maybe you can just talk random stuff under the sun.
And oh! Please stop mocking on people. Again, respect. 🙏
If you’ll gonna ask me if “are you okay?”, I would say “not really”. But I’m working every single day to be okay. I’m working so hard. And I know one day I will. It’s just that I cannot heal in a place that’s causing me what I’m feeling.
With place, I don’t specifically mean the literal meaning of location. It could be other factors. There are a lot of them out there. One for example is the pandemic.
But yeah! There are other factors. And I’m hoping and praying so hard that the sun will shine so bright again for me. It’s a bit rainy and sometimes cloudy now, but the storm can’t and won’t stay forever. It will eventually pass.
So to you my friend… If you’re okay for real, be grateful and share that joy with others. Be someone’s sunshine and light. If you’re not okay and want to fight it silently, know that you’re not alone. If you’re not willing to talk to someone now, at least talk to God. He’s there always and willing to listen. If you’re not okay and want someone to talk to, I’m willing to listen. But if I’m too stranger, your family will always be there. If not, you’re close & trusted friend. If you think someone dear to you does not trust you coz they don’t open up, respect them. If they’re struggling with what their situation now, they’re also struggling on how to open it up to you or to whomever dear & close to them.
Whatever that is happening to you, to me and to us – let’s remember we’re not alone. God is with us. And the sun will shine again and the rainbow always show up after the storm. It’s something we can look forward to.
How about you, are you okay? 💭
I hope you are or you will. Keep safe and stay healthy ♡